Hallows' Eve in Maine -- 3 days to go!

And three days to go...

There was a little bit of sunshine this morning here in Portland but by evening the drizzle and rain had returned. Last night was a late one so I didn't get up until fairly late. Today we didn't make it into the "No on 1 / Protect Marriage Equality" campaign offices until the late afternoon.

There was blood on the doors.

OK, it wasn't really blood and it looked a bit too gell-y and gooey, but it was Hallows' Eve and staffers had decorated the office here and there.

A few people even wore something Halloweenish, if not full costumes. One volunteer, for example, was wearing a cap in the shape of a red lobster head. They do love those red lobsters here in Maine. The best costume of the night, hands down, definitely went to Jenna Lowenstein of the National Stonewall Democrats who was dressed as... drum roll please ... a blogger! (check her out above). You see, she is wearing an exact copy of the t-shirt I had on yesterday except that yesterday wasn't Halloween so it was simply a shirt and today was Halloween so it served as a costume. You see, the t-shirt has this Twitter RT and hashtag thing going on which, eh, OK, this is taking a bit long to explain. Just take it from me. It was the best disguise of the night. Plus! She had horns.

When it came down to it, though, today's Halloween motifs served as mere background to the hard work being done to get people to the polls on Tuesday. Bowls full of candy, lollipops and M&M's set up for the staff and volunteers were left mostly untouched. And people of all ages - gay, bisexual, lesbian, straight and transgender - were sitting around placing calls to make sure people turned out at the polls on Tuesday to protect marriage equality in Maine.

The campaign says that it has registered more than 8,000 volunteers. Of those, there are about 100 to 125 incredible individuals who decided to take a "vacation" and travel from other states to volunteer their time. One of them was Pam Perkins of Hendersonville, North Carolina, sitting next to Rex. From today's edition of The Bangor Daily News ("Maine marriage law has nation engaged"):

Perkins said she first heard about the “volunteer vacation” program after she and her long-time partner were legally married on the top of Mount Mansfield in Vermont in September. The couple was honeymooning in Maine and decided to get involved.

“I fell in love with Maine and wanted to come back and help all Mainers” seeking marriage equality, Perkins said.

Perkins, a professional gardener now enjoying her “off season,” returned to Maine earlier this month with the help of donated frequent flier miles and lodging provided by a “No on 1” supporter. She has spent most of the month working full time helping coordinate the volunteer efforts out of the campaign’s Portland headquarters.

Yup! It's crunch-time at office headquarters and elsewhere but there are certainly some great people on this team. And, if Pam Perkins can volunteer a whole vacation, so can you, even now - and you don't even have to travel! How? Click here and find out.

Of course, it's crunch time for the other side as well. Above are two door hangers produced by the opposing sides to be distributed this weekend. Yes, the battle is so heated that the smallest detail counts. As long as those details work for our side and translate into a victory on Tuesday, I'll be more than happy.

• Of course, Rex Wockner has his own version of what we saw at headquarters. For his take, click here.

Update:

• Pod people take over Maine -- 2 days to go (Nov. 1, 2009)

Dragon

Fiz para a Bruna.
Guache sobre papel.

Something big is about to happen in Maine -- 4 days to go!

The leaf-strewn winds of October have brought me to Portland, Maine. I've been here less than 48 hours and I've already had my first Maine lobster and checked out both of the local gay bars, Blackstones and Styxx. Yes! Styxx! Like the 80's band. I almost have gotten the hang of the city's layout and, though it's been mostly grey and rainy since I arrived, the temperatures have been rather mild for this time of year. With some luck, I'll get time to visit some of the local federal parklands as well.

What brings me, here, mostly, is my friendship with Rex Wockner, a San Diego-based journalist who I've known, like, forever. He has been here for a few days covering a referendum on Tuesday's ballot that would strike down a law allowing same-sex couples to marry in Maine. Recent polls have been too tight to predict whether anti-gay forces will prevail and Question 1 will pass or if Maine will respect equality for all by voting "No on 1". Rex, who has been sharing up to the minute commentary on his blog, said it best on the update he posted yesterday:

Maine doesn't have a lot of people (the same number live in the San Diego city limits) but this battle is hugely important as the first voter referendum on gay marriage since Prop 8. If the gays win here, they knock the wind out of the opposition's sails, they go on to win same-sex marriage in New York and New Jersey later this year, California votes again and Prop 8 dies, and that's the end of same-sex-marriage culture war. If, on the other hand, the opposition wins here in Maine, they prove that they can continue to take away gay people's marriage rights by blasting the airwaves with hateful ads claiming that gay marriage melts kindergartners' brains -- and they prove, for the first time, that they can take away gay people's marriage rights even when the Legislature passed the gay marriage bill and the governor signed it into law. There were no "activist judges" involved here in Maine. So, what happens here Tuesday: It matters, no matter where you live in the U.S. (Scroll down to learn how you still can volunteer to save the gay world, even without leaving the comfort of your La-Z-Boy, from anywhere in the U.S. Or just click here.)

So, yes, the second reason that brings me to Maine is to experience what hopefully will be victory on Tuesday when the ballot results come in -- for all Mainers in particular and for all the other reasons indicated by Rex above.

Having said that, tonight was my first visit to the "No on 1 / Protect Maine Equality" headquarters. I loved it! And not necessarily because they offered brownies (sorry, folks, I don't like brownies -- the thought is what counts, though). We must have gotten there around 9:30pm, or so, and the place was a-buzzin'. There were staffers and volunteers aplenty and the place was still rockin' when we left around 11:00pm.

As closely as I've been following the campaign from New York, it also felt surreal to walk in and see the gang. Ooh! There's Campaign Manager Jesse Connolly! Ah! Karin Roland of the Communications Team! Hey! There's Jenna Lowenstein from National Stonewall Democrats! We also ran into Joe Sudbay of AMERICAblog. He is based in DC, but grew up in Portland, Maine, and has been putting his heart and soul into it as well (that's Joe on the left and Rex on the right in the pic above). "4 days to go!"

My favorite thing tonight, though, was walking into the Communication Team's office and have Julia Rosen, who I had actually met at this year's Netroots Nation in Pittsburgh, show us a brand new ad that the campaign had just launched tonight. Probably the best ad I have seen from the campaign...



Truth be told, though, the vote is now up to whoever mobilizes the most voters on Tuesday. And, in that respect, everyone can help out. Even if you're not in Maine. You can sign-up for a call-only shift from anywhere in the United States here.

A great bunch of folks, I say. And I'm here to stay... at least until Tuesday, when I will probably be blogging from campaign central and hopefully sharing the joy. More pretty pictures here (photo album to be updated as the days go by).

Updates:

• Pod people take over Maine -- 2 days to go (Nov. 1, 2009)
• Hallow's Eve in Maine -- 3 days to go! (Oct. 31, 2009)

3-2-1 Countown to Equality

Washington State:

Who we are: Approve Referendum 71 is the campaign to preserve domestic partnerships in Washington State. By voting to approve, voters retain the domestic partnership laws that were passed during this year's legislative session, including using sick leave to care for a partner, adoption rights, insurance rights, and more.

What we need: We need phone bankers to get our supporters out to vote. Washington is an all mail-in ballot state, and we need to ensure our supporters put their ballots in the mail. Also, youth turnout is a critical component of our campaign, and youth turnout historically drops in off-year elections. So we need a lot of help to turn them out.

How you do it: Sign up here to make remote calls for Approve 71. We'll then contact you for a training, and you can make GOTV calls.

Maine:

Who we are: The No On 1/Protect Maine Equality campaign is working to protect Maine's recently-passed law legalizing marriage equality for same-sex couples. Our opponents have put the issue on the ballot for Nov 3, 2009. Because of Maine's early voting election laws, people are already voting at the polls, so we need help immediately to turn out our side at the polls.

What we need: We need you to devote a few hours to Call for Equality. Call for Equality is a virtual phonebank set up so that you can call Maine voters wherever you are. Much of Maine is rural, where canvassing isn't effective, so we need to reach these voters- along with other supporters- by phone. All you need is a phone and internet connection. No experience required! We'll provide the training, and all you need is a a few hours to help get a win in Maine.

How you do it: Click here to sign up for a training and your shift. There are lots of times available for your convenience.

Kalamazoo, MI:

Who We Are: The Yes on Ordinance 1856 / One Kalamazoo campaign is working in Michigan to support the City Commission of Kalamazoo's twice approved ordinance for housing, employment, and public accommodation protections for gay and transgender residents. Opponents forced a public referendum on the ordinance so dedicated local volunteers, led by former Stonewall Democrats Executive Director Jon Hoadley, are working to ensure voters say YES to fairness and equality and keep Ordinance 1856.

Why The Urgency: In the final weeks, the opposition has gone all out with aggressive disinformation and misleading red herrings to try to defeat the ordinance. This includes signs that say "No to Discrimination" (even though voting No actually supports continued discrimination of GLBT residents), transphobic door hangers and fliers, and now radio ads that falsely suggest that criminal behavior will become legal when this simply isn't true. The Yes on Ordinance 1856 supporters are better organized but many voters who want to vote for gay and transgender people are getting confused by the opposition.

How To Help:

1) Help the One Kalamazoo campaign raise a final $10,000 specifically dedicated to fight back against the lies on the local TV and radio airwaves and fully fund the campaign's final field and GOTV efforts.

Give here: http://www.actblue.com/page/3-2-1-countdown

2) If you live nearby and can physically volunteer in Kalamazoo sign up here. If you know anyone that lives in Kalamazoo, use the One Kalamazoo campaign's online canvass tool to remind those voters that they need to vote on November 3rd and vote YES on Ordinance 1856 to support equality for gay and transgender people.

Contact voters: http://www.onekalamazoo.com/tellfriends2

cough cough cough!

Everyone is down with cough. First start with Fearles, then pass it to Cruz, then daddy also caught the cough and sore throat. Cruz recover within few days, but Fearles cough from bad to worst. Had been three weeks already and he is still coughing and now is with phlegm! Brought him to see doctor twice, medicine finish, but he still cough, other than that he is still super active and "manja". :(

Fearles pass the virus to me, now we two coughing together and take medicine together. Since western medicine didn't work well with Fearles, now i have switch his medicine to chinese tradisional herbs. Every week i will boil some herbal soup for him to nourish his lung. Father in law gave me one chinese cough medicine pill, according to him, it is very good. After give Fearles the pills, I can see some improvement, less coughing and got appetite to eat, but i think for chinese medicine take longer time to see the result.

When Fearles having bad cough, the most i worried is he will throw out. There is one night while i was having my shower, hub was knocking on the shower room door telling me Fearles is vomit on the bed. I told him i was half way shower, not ask me to just walked out like that? Ask him to bring Fearles to clean up first then i will do the rest. After i'm done with my shower, i saw hub already shower Fearles and wrap him with three towels!!!! I just want to laugh! When come to this, i think all men are the same, don't know what to do. Agree?

This is almost everynight "drama", once Fearles cough, phlegm will stuck on the throat he feel uneasy, he just throw out, that make him feel better. After hub got the "first experience", second time, he get "cool" a bit, he didn't knock on the door, he bring Fearles to shower room and clean him up and told me Fearles vomit again. :)

Actually, we had a small pail in the room always stand by to catch the "gold", but Fearles like to throw out when i'm having my shower, but most of the time i manage to catch it before it dirty the bed.

Hope after he take the chinese medicine, he will recover soon. Poor Fearles, already a skinny boy, now i only can see bone on him. :(


this is the cough pills from chinese medicine hall, good. I am also taking it. Beside than cough pills, i give them cod liver oil also and different type of herbs, boil for soup or boil for water to drink. Haih.... when kids fall sick, we will try everything!

Steven Michael Mackin, remembered

My friend, Steven M. Mackin passed away from Ewing's Sarcoma three years ago to the day. He was always taking photos of himself and, in some ways, he fully knew that they might be for posterity. One of the last request he made of me was that, if he died, I would use his photos so that he would never be forgotten. He also left me this silent video as well as this not so silent one as well.

He had beaten cancer once before, but he was also the first to realize that it was back. He kept complaining of stomach pains and asking me if I thought the cancer was back. I had no idea but tried to assure him that it might be something else. Until the end, I think he held strong for the sake of his family and his friends. Even of he probably knew much more than we all did.

Unwavering in his advocacy for others trying to beat Ewing's Sarcoma, and unflinchingly honest with his own battles and fears, Steven left his thoughts and feelings posted publicly for everyone to see on his LiveJournal blog Things I've Found In My Butt (it's sooooo worth a read, starting from the first post). He ultimately lost his battle on October 28th of 2006.

Steven's blog was featured on an Associated Press article in March of 2007 ("Blogging at Life's End"), and he was also the inspiration for "Stomp Out Cancer".

In the meantime, I have tried to maintain contact with his mom, Sheila, and was so glad to see her name pop up on Facebook a few weeks ago! My thoughts and love go to her tonight. Through Steven, I also met the amazing Kawika (here and here), now a friend for life.

And, today, I am more than glad to write this post in Steven's memory. Nothing would be more appropriate, though, than to post this memorial video that was posted a few days after Steven died (below). I had nothing to do with it and was shocked to see my image pop up early in the video, but it remains the rawest and most amazing of the YouTube tribute videos dedicated to Steven available online. The music, courtesy of Alter Bridge, is just right and, in my mind, will forever be linked to Steven. We love you Seven! Rest in peace.

Biyaheng Lupa (2009)

Biyaheng Lupa (Armando Lao, 2009)
English Title: Soliloquy

Other than Lav Diaz, whose Batang West Side (West Side Avenue, 2001) has become a beacon of artistic integrity and independence in the midst of a failing mainstream cinema (its running length of 5 hours makes it a chore to watch for an audience who have been fed with Hollywood films and their local variations; its powerful themes make it even more difficult for an audience who have been trained to view cinema as a tool for escape), Armando Lao can arguably be referred as one of the figureheads of the current Philippine cinema. Understanding the budgetary limitations of filmmaking in the country (a lesson painfully learned while shooting Jeffrey Jeturian's Minsan Pa (One Moment More, 2004), which required more money the producer was not able to recover), he devised a screenwriting manual called "real-time" that allowed several filmmakers to make films from the use of available technology and very meager resources. Probably the most famous of these "real-time" practitioners is Brillante Mendoza whose Serbis (Service, 2008) and Kinatay (The Execution of P, 2009), both of which were written by Lao, competed in Cannes, the latter earning Mendoza a Best Director prize from the prestigious film festival. Other "real-time" directors include Jim Libiran (Tribu (2007)), Jeffrey Jeturian (Kubrador (The Bet Collector, 2005)), Francis Xavier Pasion (Jay (2008)) and Ralston Jover (Bakal Boys (Children Metal Divers, 2009) and writer of Mendoza's Manoro (The Teacher, 2006), Foster Child (2007) and Tirador (Slingshot, 2007)). Lao, however, is more than just a screenwriter as his scripts are written with directorial vision. Instead of merely constructing the narrative and characters and leaving the rest of the creative process to the director, Lao immerses into the entire filmmaking process, stamping each and every one of the films which he had a part in with auteurial integrity.

Biyaheng Lupa (Soliloquy) is the first film where Lao attaches his name as director. The conceit is fascinating: passengers of a bus en route from Manila to Legazpi City are exposed through their thoughts, magically vocalized whenever the door closes turning the bus into a space that is insulated from the rest of the world. Despite the liberties Lao made with reality, he maintains an accurate grasp of the process of bus travel: the noticeable eccentricities of each and every stranger you are forced to breathe the same enclosed air with, the momentary connections made through shared glances, baseless annoyances with each other and the isolated idle chatter, the torturous passing of empty time, and the occasional roadblocks like a sudden flat tire or an unavoidable checkpoint. This deliberate attention to detail that encompasses not only the tangible elements but also the mood of the milieu has always been a trait of all of Lao's filmed scripts. The vast gap between the poor and the middle class in Jeturian's Pila-balde (Fetch a Pail of Water, 1999), the underhanded exploitation of cinema in Jeturian's Tuhog (Larger Than Life, 2001), the transitory romances of the tourism industry in Minsan Pa, and the coinciding physical deterioration of a family-run movie theater and the moral depletion of the family running it in Serbis, these pervading concepts are adeptly translated into the screenplay, and eventually into the films, through the seemingly impertinent details and textures in the narrative that actually add more than color but thematic integrity to the filmed stories.

The conceit of immediately hearing the thoughts of the passengers of the Legazpi-bound bus is definitely fascinating. What starts out as merely an intriguing novelty transforms into an existential reference to the various characters, as their vocalized thoughts become the only vehicles for these characters to actually prevail in the world during that bus ride. Without the conceit, these passengers are completely deprived of a reason to exist within the narrative framework. It nearly feels like these characters are pleading to persist and matter in the world through Lao's graciousness to grant their hidden thoughts perpetuity through recorded sound. That even the deaf-mute character's thoughts partake the form of his voiceless means of communication; the fact that their thoughts are presented via the characters' own method of communication, complete with speech mannerisms and intonations, is a signifier that the aural manifestations of is much more than an ingenious writer's device but serves as the characters existence in the film. As their stories manifest through memories from the past and current contemplation, their histories and possible futures slowly unfold only to be abruptly terminated by the same conceit that gave them their existence.

The inevitable consequence of mounting a film that tells the stories of various characters who are only related to each other by circumstance is the inequity of quality or substance, which is of course, all a matter of taste. For example, for those who enjoy heavy-handed melodrama, the storyline of the deaf-mute (Carlo Guevarra) who escapes from his adoptive home to visit the grave of his real mother might prove to be emotionally resonant; I thought the character's storyline was superfluous and overextended. For those who require their stories spelled out in black and white, the storyline of the dissatisfied wife (Shamaine Buencamino) who takes her chances at a variety show only to end up with her fate unchanged might seem to have a difficultly ambiguous ending; I thought the scene where she alights from the bus, with all her thoughts suddenly silenced, and meets up with her husband, who she just mentally maligned, and walks home, with Lao's camera nervously lingering with the deafening silence, is one of the film's most powerful sequences. For those who are partial against preachy cinema, the vocalized thoughts of a retired court interpreter (Jose Almojuela) about the as he reaches his destination might be considered a distraction to the seamless flow of the film; I thought it was a moving juncture, one that is not only revelatory to one of the film's most guarded characters but also preparatory to the film's conclusion.

A concrete bridge, lighted and shot to maximize a sense of foreboding, breaks the comfort of formula. By film's end, we have become so accustomed to the cacophony of loud thoughts when the bus door closes and the unnerving silence when it opens that the phantasmagoric image of the bridge and the bus slowly entering the frame jars the film's staggered logic. The suddenness of the shift in aesthetic and mood allows for the unexpected termination of the remaining passengers' stories; the bus fell down a cliff, killing all of its passengers and consequently, all of their stories. It seems and probably is the easy way out for Lao's film, since the conceit has turned into a redundancy and therefore a liability, and the abundance of stories has resulted to predictability. Yet, it is also very understandable because Lao is after all, the writer, and as writer, he is god to the lives he chose to make stories out of, and just the same as the passengers who have alighted the bus and whose stories are no longer within the perspective of the film, everything must have an end. That is simply the nature of cinema. It is limited by the bounds of storytelling, and a good filmmaker, whether he is a writer, a director, or both, must make most of what exists within such bounds. With Biyaheng Lupa, Lao continues to prove to be a very good filmmaker.

Mexico: Anonymous videos show homophobic hazing of alleged robbers by vigilantes

Considering the reports of extreme drug-trade fueled violence coming from Mexico these days, the three videos that surfaced anonymously on YouTube on October 16th might not qualify as being the worst (I have translated and posted one of them, above). They don't show bloodshed; they show faces being slapped but not the beatings that allegedly took place; and, thankfully, every one of the five young men who is shown being humiliated in the video, was later set free. That doesn't mean that the videos are any less shocking or disturbing to watch.

Reports say that the videos were uploaded by someone using the moniker "Ratitas de Tepic" ["Little rats from Tepic"]. In the additional info area, the person wrote "estos ratitas, por querer robar mi casa, eso fue lo que les pasó" ["these little rats, for wanting to rob my house, this is what happened to them"].

From yesterday's Los Angeles Times ("Mexico divided over video of alleged robbers being abused"):

The video[s] of the beating and sexual abuse of five young alleged thieves at the hands of vigilantes has provoked widespread outrage here. But in some quarters, there have been disquieting voices of approval.

The video landed on YouTube. It shows the cowering teenage boys being slapped in the face and forced to French kiss one another. Each is forced to say that they are about to be raped as punishment for robbing houses.

In the state of Nayarit, where the incident took place, many people suspect that the abusers might be police officers - Authorities deny that.

Nayarit Gov. Ney Gonzalez Sanchez was furious when he learned of the video and the abuse. Speaking over the weekend, he gave state prosecutors until Monday to produce results in the case -- "definitive, serious results, without scapegoats," he said. "No one has the right to take justice into their own hands."

Not surprisingly, state prosecutors beat the deadline:

Nayarit state prosecutor Hector Bejar Fonseca met the governor's deadline and on Monday announced the arrest of four suspects in the assaults. The men are not police officers, he said, and were arrested after being overheard in a bar bragging that they made the video. Bejar Fonseca said the suspects were drug dealers and that they had five accomplices who remained at large. It was unclear what the motive was for the alleged abuse.

One of the held captives, interviewed by Mexico's El Universal, insisted that it was the Prosecutor's Office that handed him and the other young men to the abusers:

One of the youth told El Universal that he and the others were handed over to their abusers from inside the state prosecutor's headquarters. The youth, whom the paper did not name, said they were repeatedly beaten, threatened and intimidated. He said the owner of the house that the youths allegedly tried to rob joined in, which matches what the person who posted the videos on YouTube said.

From comments made by one of the victims as reported in the El Universal article that the Los Angeles times mentions:

"They took three of us to the weapons area of the Procurator's Office... As we arrived, a man said: Take off the handcuffs, and they took them off. They took us down of the pick-up truck and told us to climb on another, the Wolf unit; it had a double cabin. And we no longer were able to see anything. They would not allow us to raise our head."

El Universal says that, on-camera, they were threatened with being forced to have sexual relations with each other and with having their hands cut-off. Off-camera, the victims reported being hit on their legs with a stick, having been beaten up and kicked. The video also shows evidence that their hair was clipped. They were kept overnight from October 14th to the 15th, and let go in the early morning after forcing them to take their clothes off and told to run.

A lawyer, acting on behalf of some of the victims, said that more than 10 people participated in the beating, including at least two women. The videos, which were captured with a cell phone, were illuminated by a light beam from a motorcycle.

El Universal says that none of the young men - high school students all - has returned to school and that they are still traumatized by the beating. Some of their families have refused to come forward, afraid that there will be retribution if they speak to investigators of the press.

Nayarit en Linea, which first broke the story, has been following up on the latest developments, including the Nayarit Governor's ultimatum and the arrest of four construction workers after an allegedly "anonymous" tip.

A typical comment below that latest post: "Oh, please! The Procurator's own grandmother does not believe him. It's such a coincidence that when they grabbed the "guilty" they were just grabbing anyone who was going by. Who does he want to kid if everything that goes on in the State is invented by the government and, this case, I don't think is the exception. If only because it became national news, according to them, they have been working [on this]. The Procurator, as if nothing had happened, as always showing indifference before these facts."

Related:

• YouTube Video Shows Mexican Boys Tortured By Narcos Or Cops For Breaking Into Home (Guanabee, Oct. 23, 2009)

Previously on Blabbeando:

• Peru: News cameras capture inhuman beating, undressing and humiliation of transgender street worker (Jan. 30, 2009)

Anacbanua (2009)

Anacbanua (Christopher Gozum, 2009)

English Title: Child of the Sun

Language functions primarily as a tool for communication. Thus, when roads and bridges were built to connect provinces, when ships and ports were constructed to connect islands, and when planes and airports were invented to connect continents, communication has turned into a worldwide commodity to the extent that the abundance of languages and dialects has turned into a hindrance to prosperity in this severely connected age. Several languages and dialects that have been rendered superfluous by this inevitable shift in perspective are forced to extinction. The native dialect of the province of Pangasinan, is one of the victims of this widespread epidemic. The dialect's native speakers, who naturally prioritize economic survival to cultural identity, homogenize with the rest of the country as a result of governmental policy in education, migration, assimilation and a general lack of interest by their younger generation.

However, language is not a mere tool. It emphasizes a cultural soul, a facet of an intertwined populace that connects them to the land, their history, their livelihood and themselves. The deliberate extinction of Pangalatok, a dialect that has evolved a vast literature throughout the centuries of its existence, is especially painful because along with it disappears a legacy, the thread that attaches a person with a proud people but has eventually been rendered into a mere facade, a regional label, a curiosity in the midst of a language that encroaches on virtually everything in the name of globalization.

Christopher Gozum's Anacbanua (Child of the Sun), advertised as the first full-length feature in Pangasinense dialect, does more than make use of the language to communicate dialogue in the service of a universal narrative. By making use of poems in Pangalatok, the film explores a cultural soul struggling with the demands of modernity, national integrity, and globalization. The film literally levitates from one setting to another, transporting the a man (Lowell Conales), a poet who returns from Saudi Arabia to Pangasinan to rediscover his roots, to different places in Pangasinan. Yet more than a mere travelogue of the vibrant locales and anthropological wonders of the province, the film essays a pervading melancholy attributable to the threatening loss. The breadth of emotions fluently evoked by Gozum in his mostly motionless tableaus is breathtaking, and the fact that there's economy to his filmmaking, making use of the essentials of cinema to a constant minimum (his aesthetics is deliberate and controlled; the music he uses is hypnotic; his storytelling is astoundingly astute, making use of seemingly distant although ravishingly beautiful sequences to tell a concrete message; his mix of documentary realism, aesthetic surrealism, purpose and advocacy is effective), stretches the possibilities of what the moving image can do.

Gozum, like his film's poet, struggles with the opposing needs of making himself financially viable (by taking a contractual job as a videographer in Saudi Arabia) and of creating pertinent culture (by making films that dictate this internal struggle). His short film Surreal Random MMS para kay ed Ina, Agui tan Kaamong ya Makaiiliw ed Sika: Gurgurlis ed Banua (Surreal Random MMS for a Mother, a Sister and a Wife Who Longs for You: Landscapes with Figures, 2008) makes use of a shocking images of a human eye being punctured with interspersed images of a foreign land captured from a cellular phone that were sent by the director to his loved ones in the Philippines to tell more of the numbing disconnect of a displaced Filipino than the landscapes he so evocatively captured using his meager resources. It is this duality in Gozum's artistic personality that makes his films unbelievably fascinating. Anacbanua, as it is, is a rousing statement on a dying language. With Gozum at its helm, the film becomes a different thing altogether. From the possibility of being an inert advocacy film, Anacbanua blossoms into a grandiose canvass that is painted with something as gargantuan as the loss of an entire cultural heritage to something as intimate and personal as the multi-layered confusion that is consuming him as an artist (while he is from Pangasinan, he is also a Filipino, a Filipino who is working in Saudi Arabia; these tiers of conflicting identities make his efforts more taxing and his film more resonant).

It really is a powerful film. Emotions whirlwind as Pangasinense poetry is recited granting unreserved depth to the different landscapes, the obscure livelihoods, the unraveled historical, cultural, and religious implications that are depicted with unnerving aesthetic assuredness. As the camera lingers extensively on the monochrome dioramas of supposed rituals of rebirth set in different locations, we are eventually drawn into the imagery, feeling the flowing waters of the Agno river wash away the dregs of cultural imperialism, smelling the refreshingly pungent aroma of fish fermenting to perfection, relaxing to the warmth of bricks baking in an ancient kiln, and numbing to the unbearable cries of pain of cattle being slaughtered mercilessly. This immersive experience punctures the wall that separates the recited poetry and the fascinating visuals, forcing the viewer to not only understand the recited words through their intended and literal meanings (as facilitated by the English subtitles), but also to regard these words as significant and indispensable components of a culture. Remove the poetry from the film, and the haunting imagery will inevitably lose its soul, beautiful to look at but flat and meaningless. Remove the language from the province, and an entire people, an entire culture will lose its identity, surviving as inutile labels of a neglected ancestry.

Ecuador: In a busy city street, free 'makeovers' to look like the opposite gender

I love this story:

Passersby at one of Quito's busiest downtown streets a week ago Saturday were startled to see a few women set up an impromptu beauty salon on the sidewalk using a vanity table with makeup, a couple of stools and a big black umbrella to provide some cover.

The women, who were all transgender, were offering free makeovers to anyone who wanted one. There was one catch: A sign next to the stand read "Trans beauty tips" and the makeover being offered was to make you look like someone from the opposite gender.

“Ladies and gentlemen, who hasn't dressed as a widow on the 31st of December?*," asked one of the women, "Who hasn't explored the other side of their sexuality dressing like the opposite gender? We invite you to change, to try, to turn into a handsome gentleman or into a beautiful lady, so you can understand that to dress like a man or a woman does not interfere in who you are as a person."

According to Luicia Real Hidalgo, a reporter from El Telégrafo, the event was described by organizers as a "street performance" that was part if a week-long series of events seeking to raise awareness about transgender rights in Ecuador ("The trans fight discrimination through art").

Initially, despite the large crowd that stopped to watch, there were few takers. Finally, to much laughter from the crowd, Jorge Sáenz stepped out of the crowd and sat down on a stool. He remained in silence while the women applied blush, eyeliner, eye shadow and hair gel, and put a necklace around his neck.

Finally, when it was all done, Mr. Sáenz walked back to the crowd and, responding to the ongoing laughter, said "I am a man and I won't stop being one just for wearing makeup".

Luis Tapia, a friend of Mr. Sáenz, wasn't having it. He handed his friend a hankerschief and told him to clean up the makeup because he looked like a "faggot". He told the reporter that there were a few people who liked to dress like "little women" in their home town of Michelena, but said "one always has to keep a distance" and that transgender people should not be allowed any spaces because "their ideas might contaminate children."

To Cayetana Salao, one of the organizers, it was the exact kind of exchange that she hoped to elicit with the "street performance." She told the crowd that "being trans is not an illness, nor a disorder, nor some trauma" and that it shouldn't be considered a mental pathology.

These were the themes of a multi-national effort by transgender rights advocates, to raise awareness about transgender issues around the world under the slogan "STOP trans pathologization 2012". The effort was launched by a number of LGBT and transgender rights organizations in Spain and elicited responses from organizers in more than 38 countries, including several in Latin America.

Back on the streets of Quito on Saturday afternoon, after listening to Ms. Salao, Dayán Méndez decided that she too would take the challenge and sat down on the stool for a make-over. The beauty stylists used make-up to ad depth to her cheeks and make her chin look wider. They applied a fake mustache and goatee and tied a man's tie around her neck to make her look masculine.

“Everything they said is related to what I respect and believe," Méndez said, "People speak of equality, but it's only lip service, because society mistreats those who do not fall within what is considered to be 'normal', and later, with retrograde ideas, every human right is violated."

In contrast to Mr. Sáenz and his disapproving friend, the article says Ms. Méndez received nothing but support from her friend Carlos Altamirano, who stood by as he saw his friend be made-over to look like a man. He applauded the initiative and said that it made sense to do it on that specific intersection because it was the same place where "these people walk, work, and are abused, and it's in this same site that they should demand their rights."

Another member of the makeup troop, Alejandra Moreira, said that their goal with the project was to reach out to everyone in an educational and non-confrontational way. “In a direct manner, but with subtlety, people will see our art and will begin to understand us and respect us a little bit more," she said.

According to promotional materials, the "performance" and events that took place as part of the "STOP transpathologization" campaign in Quito was sponsored by a number of transgender and LGBT rights organizations in Ecuador as well as the Latin American Faculty of Social Sciences, among other international entities. It was also promoted by the Ecuadorean government through its Culture Ministry.

• Related: Octubre Trans Ecuador, official blog of the Trans Ecuador campaign (Spanish language)

* - In a lot of mostly rural towns in Latin America, there is an annual tradition to celebrate the end of the year by dressing up a life-size puppet to look like an old man and to stuff it with fireworks, while another man dresses in black women's clothing and dons a veil to represent the dying year's widow. On New Year's Eve, revelers participate in a procession through the town with the 'widow' wailing behind the marchers carrying the puppet. At midnight, after much partying and drinking, the puppet is set afire, and the new year is welcomed in.

Investigative report on 'ex-gay' therapy centers in Ecuador draws prestigious journalism award

In May of last year, I picked up on a 2-part investigative report that ran in Ecuador's El Universo on a number of unregulated and illegal centers for the supposed treatment of homosexuality ("Ecuador: Kidnapping, torture, confinement at 'ex-gay' therapy centers").

The disturbing articles, which also drew attention from Jim Burroway at Box Turtle Bulletin ("Ex-gay torture chambers in Ecuador"), revealed that there were more than 140 centers throughout the country claiming to cure homosexuality. Most heartbreakingly, those who were interviewed at these centers were teens or young adults sent there against their will by their parents. There was also a strong link between religious fervor and the nature of the teachings at these sites.

Today comes word that reporters María Alejandra Torres Reyes and Marjorie Ortíz received a 3rd place mention for Latin America in the prestigious Lorenzo Natali Journalism Prize for both articles. The award, established in 1992 by the European Commission, "is awarded to journalists for outstanding reporting on Human Rights, Democracy and Development", according to press materials. This year, more than 1,000 journalist entries from 133 countries were submitted for consideration.

From the award site:

The investigative report discovered and denounced clandestine centres (which called themselves "clinics"), that offered to "remove" and "cure" homosexuality in exchange for money and, in most cases, with the permission of the family of the supposed "patients". The owners used violent and illegal methods. The "therapies" included beatings, electricity on the genitals, pornographic videos, taking hard drugs and pills for hours or days, and injections of hormones (male or female). Sometimes even rapes occurred. Thanks to this report, the authorities (who were unaware of this issue) closed these torture centres. The media had never spoken of these centres in the country and few people knew that they existed.

El Universo, which reported today on the honors, noted the journalists' reactions.

“I am very happy that a topic as important as this, addressing the gay community of the country, has been recognized internationally," said Marjorie Ortíz. She said that the mention encouraged her to continue investigating after 10 years of working as a journalist.

“We believe that this is also a recognition for those who suffer abuse an torture, such as those we contacted for our reporting," said Maria Alejandra Torres Reyes.

Both reporters were present at the award ceremony that took place on Thursday in Stockholm. Dora Luz Romero Mejia took 2nd prize for a report in La Prensa on twelve women murdered by their partners in Nicaragua, and Joao Antonio Barrios and Thiago Prado took first prize for a series of articles of paramilitary occupation of the shanty-towns of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and the police corruption that accompanies it.

I, for one, am thrilled to have found about this tonight and congratulate El Universo and the journalists for the honor. I hope it brings additional attention to the plight of teens who are taken to these type of centers throughout Latin America, often against their will, and that it helps to shut down such illicit ventures once and for all.

Alison Moyet a year ago -- and today!

In October of last year I had one of my life-time dreams fulfilled. Sure, I had already seen her perform with Vince Clarke in July of 2008 for their Yazoo reunion tour, but what I had always dreamed about was seeing the incomparable Alison Moyet live, singing her own amazing songs.

Dream come true: "One More Time" from the show I saw at the Blender Theater on October 8, 2008:

A year later, almost to the date, comes word a Nov. 3 UK release of a new Alison Moyet "Best of" album titled, appropriately, "Best of 25 Years Revisited". It's not the first 'hits' compilation she has released. "Singles" came out in 1995 with a bonus disc of live versions. And now, the deluxe version of the new release, also sees a 2nd disc with 11 newly recorded re-interpretations of old songs, also sung by Ms. Moyet.

What brought this to light was a recent YouTube discovery of a performance of "This House" by Ms. Moyet that took place earlier this month to promote the new release:

I was simply stunned. Not because it is and shall be one of my favorite Moyet songs, mind you. But because it's difficult not to miss Ms. Moyet's weight loss between October of last year and now. While watching her sing last year, I have to confess I wondered about her weight and her health. It must have taken a lot of work and exercise and major changes to her lifestyle. But she certainly seems at ease and happy - and I hope she feels great. The interview that followed her performance on the Paul O'Grady show doesn't address the weight drop, but it certainly offers a few juicy tidbits, including footage of Moyet as a back-up singer in a special appearance on British TV by legendary Dusty Springfield. Enjoy:

Update #1: From a profile of Alison Moyet the October 2nd edition of The Daily Mail:

[Moyet] says that the decision to shed the pounds was nothing to do with vanity but everything to do with preparing for old age. ‘I have lost and put on big batches of weight in my life many, many times,’ she admits. ‘But what concerns me is the idea of being an obese old woman, because I don’t like the idea of being physically incapable in someone else’s hands.
I have smoked and eaten too much rubbish in my time, but the catalyst for me to do something about it was not wanting to be incapacitated. It goes back to my need for privacy.’

Update #2 [January 2nd, 2011]: Excerpt from a statement Alison posted after comments regarding a televised New Year's Eve performance in the UK elicited lots of Twitter comments:

...then there was Twitter trending over my body. Wow thats MENTAL. I forget. I have lived with me in this form for way more than a year and I don't think about how I seem to others. Being fat all my life and still in my head and my whole psychology I am used to people having their say over me, relatives, journalists.. but we live in new times and instead of giggles behind hands, a spiteful byline and the odd shout out, it is now in your face and unashamed. Complimentary or resentful, I don't like it at all..ha ha...my bleedin' body eh? It will be the death of me. As a point of research for those wondering, no I feel no more confident or lush than I did as big me, less maybe, and spending little time gazing at myself in the looking glass and no time on the pull...I feel utterly unchanged. I am certainly not flattered that a few more 'would'. It is utterly irrelevant.

Boy (2009)

Boy (Auraeus Solito, 2009)

A boy (Aeious Asin) enters a gay nightclub one lazy Sunday night. The nightclub is empty except for its usual denizens: the overzealous yet mysteriously wise floor manager, his gang of overdressed transvestite performers, and the club's featured attractions, a harem of near-naked macho dancers gyrating to songs that echo everlasting love. The boy is a newbie to these affairs, unaware of the codes of the trade inside the dimly lit halls of the club, and needy of a an elementary guide into a lifestyle that he was born to live with, which the floor manager is more than willing to provide. Another love song sets the mood as an eighteen year old performer stage-named Aries (Aries Pena), clad only in suggestive underwear, dances on stage. The boy is clearly beholden. Is it love that explains why the way his gaze seems to only long for this macho dancer, to the exclusion of the club's other performers? Is it lust that rationalizes why his loving gaze results in his uncontrollable hard-on? Is there really a difference, or the two are so intertwined that it is frankly impossible to discern?

After the success of Lino Brocka's Macho Dancer (1988), a genre of the macho dancer film was born. These films were created in a society that while tolerant to the gay community, is unforgiving toward its presumably hedonistic characteristics. In fact, Brocka's Macho Dancer, Mel Chionglo's Sibak (Midnight Dancers, 1994), Burlesk King (1999), and Twilight Dancers (2006), and Joel Lamangan's Walang Kawala (No Way Out, 2008) and Heavenly Touch (2009), and all the other features that have exploited the overused narrative angle of the poor straight macho dancer exploited by their rich gay patrons, are all borne out of a heterosexual mindset. These films, while careless in its exposition of male flesh, are too careful to suggest even a slightest tinge of love among its superfluous invitations for carnal indulgence. This is perhaps to protect certain antiquated codes: that homosexual love and lovemaking is abnormal and the only way a man can engage in it is by abusing the victims of the most abnormal yet prevalent of occurrences in the Philippine setting: poverty.

Aureaus Solito's Boy is the ideal macho dancer film, one that maintains the unhindered erotic possibilities of gazing at naked bodies in the safety and privacy of a darkened cinema, without the implicated guilt of doing so and more importantly, absent the always useless and hypocritical social pedagogy that has become synonymous with the abused genre. Boy refuses to apologize for all the homoerotic images on display. It does not urge you to develop pity or even sympathy on Aries despite his unflattering profession. In one scene, as the boy feels through the poverty of Aries' meager shanty in the heart of the slums, Aries suddenly starts gyrating in front of the boy, declaring that he dances because he loves the attention he gets while performing. The social gap between the boy and Aries, while apparent, is not exploited to push an antiquated post-Brocka advocacy. Instead, the film only points out the gap to emphasize that in the affairs of the heart and other burgeoning emotions, capitalist conditions such as wealth and social status have no pertinence. There are no exploiters or victims, just lovers on the verge of a beautiful self-discovery.

Absent any forced social implication, the film focuses on exploring the gay psyche, lyrically exposing the mysteries of homosexual attraction and the path to self-discovery. Solito lays down the fundamentals of gay love, picturing it with the normalcy that is attributed to heterosexual love: the way the two are fueled by exactly the same elements, only marked by the gargantuan difference in the way society regards or tolerates gay relationships as opposed to straight ones. Solito satisfyingly keeps the narrative within the intimate circumstances of the boy's path to self-discovery, limiting the characters to those who actually matter in their lives: the boy's mother (Madeleine Nicolas), a heartfelt creation who is lovingly mum about his son's homosexuality while struggling with her husband's lack of time for them; and Aries' father (Noni Buencamino), who is similarly situated with the boy's mother in silently tolerating his son's sexual affinity (as defined by his profession) while desperately clinging to being a father figure despite unbearable financial hardships. While Solito makes use of poetry recited throughout the film, gay attraction is still defined by an indubitable normalcy in the way that it is humanized not by the intoxicating poetic recitations but by the simplicity of its unfrazzled existence in the lives of the boy and his macho dancer, whose attraction to each other is derived from interacting pheromones and sweat, the primal stuff that drives them to first lust then love.

When the boy and Aries make love in the boy's room, Solito's camera captures them through the glass, the water, and the floating silt of the aquarium that the boy collects in his room. He talks of his collection of aquariums as approximations of his fish's natural ecosystem. Cinema has been to tasked to approximate truth with filmmakers struggling to create an illusion of reality with stories that partake a semblance of living. In a way, cinema, more specifically Philippine cinema, has betrayed its homosexual patrons, portraying them as voracious predators whose concept of love is always intertwined with capitalist oppression or a sinful lifestyle that is exclusively driven by hedonistic and animalistic tendencies. As we watch the boy and Aries in passionate lovemaking through the aquarium, we come to understand what essentially gives life to homosexual love. Without any pretenses of having the two characters find that perfect love (a concept that the film consciously avoided) or pushing the boundaries of such love to touch on socio-political worries, the film arrives at the core of homosexuality: that the two boys make love simply because they are at that point of their lives, in love.

Elizabeth Huey

I wan to wear mask.....

There is one night i was blowing my hair in my walk-in wardrobe, my busybody Cruz also inside, he is busy checking around to see got anything to play with. Suddenly he found something and tell me, "mummy, i want to wear mask, i want to wear mask!!" I turn around and see him holding this...............




















my bra pad for my gym attire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what to said, tell him this is not mask, this is my thing, don't play with it, but he still insists want to wear it. *faint*

Look again, it does look like mask, just without the string. HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Have a great weekend everyone!

Apok 4

Personagens criados por Bruna Brito. Veja mais em:
www.apokalypse4.blogspot.com

Ghost Rider

The yellow, the orange, the red, the green, the Levi...

Yup! I've been away from home... As for Levi, he is ever vigilant and zombie-eyed at night.

Mix 5

Actor Jaime Camil says kissing scenes with male co-star are being edited out from telenovela

This is unusual:

Jaime Camil, the leading actor in a new telenovela being broadcast in Mexico, has expressed frustration and disappointment with Televisa, the parent company, for editing out scenes in which he is shown kissing male co-star Jose Rohn.

"Los Existosos Pérez" ["The Successful Perez Family"], an adaptation from an original Argentinian series, is a half-hour comedy of mistaken identity and intrigue set in and around a television news studio.

Camil plays Gonzalo González, a man hired by the station owners to impersonate top rated news anchorman Martín Pérez, after the star anchor has an accident and falls into a coma (Camil plays both parts).

Unbeknownst to the impostor, a very public marriage between the anchorman and his female news co-host is a sham, and is a cover for a long term relationship between the anchorman and another man.

The impostor suddenly finds himself trying to deflect the anchorman's male lover's advances without letting the lover know he is someone else, while secretly falling in love with the female co-host. Hilarity ensues [preview here].

I've checked out a few of the episodes that have been posted on YouTube and haven't been too impressed. It's not a bad show in particular, but it's not a good one either. Using the gay storyline to elicit laughs seems a bit retro, even though it's been described as a huge step forward for Mexican television. It doesn't help that the actors who play gay men camp it up a bit to project 'gayness' - and that includes Jose Ron as the anchorman's lover and an actor playing a gay network assistant. It's not in itself a bad thing, but it's a tired old stereotype nevertheless.

All of this would be par for the course and might not even merit a mention except that Camil spoke up last weekend.

Interviewed by a gossip show correspondent in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where the telenovela is being shot, Camil said he was perplexed about several kissing scenes that had been shot between him and Jose Rhon which were either edited out or shortened when televised [see YouTube video below].

"They are editing them for a reason [and] I still fail to comprehend why it is," he says on camera, and ads that "it's a bit frustrating, as an actor, to undertake a creative process [to create] a character and, suddenly, to have it cut off based on false morals or double standards that sometimes exist in Mexico."

He does admit that it's up to the producers to decide what makes it on air or what doesn't and says that he is happy with the way that the show and his character have been developing in the two months since it was launched.

Mexican gossip show NX, which captured Camil's seemingly unguarded comments, ran the interview with commentary. Highlighting how homophobic Mexican media can be, a member of the show jokes that Camil is just angry because he had to shoot the kissing scenes several times and had to kiss a man over and over.

Still, this IS Mexico, where these huge media conglomerates closely guard their product and content and where these increasingly multi-national telenovelas are produced to be sold later to the lucrative international syndication market. To a higher degree than Hollywood, stars who are part of Mexican show-business rarely speak up or criticize producers or companies, particularly if you are currently part of the show you are criticizing.

In that light, I think it's huge that a well-known telenovela star like Camil, who is actually playing the show's lead, is willing to go on record about his criticism and willing to question whether there is homophobia at play.

It'll be interesting to see if Camil's comments lead to Televisa reviewing what it shows and doesn't show in a telenovela that is supposed to embrace gay characters. It will also be interesting to see if Univision, which is scheduled to air the series possibly on prime time here in the Unites States, will also cut the kissing scenes or let them stand.

An aside: The show does mark the return of legendary telenovela star Veronica Castro to Mexican television. You might remember, in a somewhat related vein, that she refused to play a lesbian role on a Mexican TV special because she did not want to kiss another woman.

• Related: OMG. Charytin doesn't want the gay kisses to air! (via Guanabee)

Fearles....finally.........

Quit his jut jut (pacifier)!!!!!!! Ya, you can call me a lazy mum, my two boys still on their jut jut at age of 4! Not that i don't bother to get them to quit their "jut jut", but when i think of having two crying toodlers at night and kicking a big fuss make me scare and stress. I did try few times, tell them not to use "jut jut", they are tired and sleepy but they toss and turn for 1 hour + and cannot fall sleep, how lei? End up i surrender, i give them back the "jut jut".

Now Fearles quit his "jut jut" for one week plus already, he never think of his "jut jut" even i place it on the table. Last week, he told me his "jut jut" spoilt already, then i told him, i got no more "jut jut" then he has to go with "jut jut" less, he give me that kind of "no choice" face, so he went to sleep. Surprising not long after that he fall sleep, and morning wake up he also didn't look for his "jut jut". Today is the day 8, he didn't touch his "jut jut" and he is fine with it.



I'm so happy, and without me knowing, it is so easy to quit him off "jut jut"!!! Now i have to work hard on Cruz , the die-hard "jut jut" / hardcore "jut jut" fans!! Now i have been brain wash him everyday, i would said "see kor kor Fearles also no "jut jut", why you still have "jut jut" " Previously, when either one of them see the other one having "jut jut" they will got the "urge" want to have it too. Now Fearles see Cruz has "jut jut" he just ignore. hahahhahah. Since now Cruz got no more "gang" with him, "sometime" he will forget his "jut jut" but during bed time it still a "MUST" for him. :(



Fearles, now you look more handsome without the "jut jut"!!! Good boy!

Pagdating sa Dulo (1971)

Pagdating sa Dulo (Ishmael Bernal, 1971)

English Title: At the Top

In Guru Dutt’s Kaagaz Ke Phool (Paper Flowers, 1959), a film director, played with piercing sensitivity by Dutt, sees his career flounder as the career of his muse, a beggar he discovers while shooting a scene in his adaptation of Devdas and subsequently grooms to become a very successful actress, blossoms. The painful downfall of the director who at one time was celebrated by crowds of adoring fans after a very successful run of one of his films and at a later time is seen alone, walking the paved ways of his former studio in tattered rags, unrecognizable by his friends and peers, destroys the very core of these double lives that are forced to exist to suit the inflicted fantasies of working in cinema notwithstanding the need to endure the realities of living. Amidst the several musical interludes, the film lyrically reflects on the gargantuan gap that separates the facile glamour of the silver screen and the material, spiritual and emotional poverty of everything else.

Ishmael Bernal’s Pagdating sa Dulo (At the Top) ends with a striking sequence that consummates the hypocrisy that was portrayed in the carnivalesque affairs of the film. Ching (Rita Gomez), scandalously tipsy after a day of lonesome drinking, and Pinggoy (Vic Vargas), who attempts to salvage Ching from further embarrassing herself in public, see a mob of adoring fans, separated from their fantasy world by a metal gate and obviously oblivious to the excesses of their fleeting limelight. Their faces transform. The once self-absorbed alcohol-glazed gestures of Ching and the guarded yet clearly affectionate concern of Pinggoy suddenly breaking to give way to faces jolted by a sudden but timely awareness, of how far they have gone up and how far they have fallen. As with Dutt’s immortal masterpiece, Bernal, by mapping an actress’ deliberate and painful rise to the top, reflects on the disconnect between the realities of life and the quasi-realities of cinema that debilitates the men and women who chose to indulge in its promising allures.

The film opens with Ching, then a stripper, performing to the lustful stares of her patrons. She arrives home, slowly climbing the stairs, with every step turning into a gargantuan struggle as she carries herself and all her life’s worries up to her room. There, she breaks into a silent yet tearful soliloquy until Pinggoy arrives, attempting to woo her into bed only to be rebuked. Bernal finally breaks the several minutes of quiet yet persuasive storytelling with the first of the many arguments between the eternally incongruous lovers, with Ching’s vocal frankness overpowering Pinggoy’s contained machismo, to the point of the latter attempting to wrestle Ching’s dominance with violence, only to end in conciliation and lovemaking. In that initial sequence, Bernal adequately summarizes Ching and Pinggoy’s relationship. By portraying with painstaking detail the overbearing imperfections of their life together, characterized by the graveness of Ching’s discontent with her current state in life as afflicted by Pinggoy’s paralyzing satisfaction over his existence as a cab driver, Bernal sets the stage not only for the couple’s surprising reversal of fortune, initiated first by Ching’s discovery by an idealistic film director (Eddie Garcia), and later on, the forced entry of Pinggoy to showbusiness (he figuratively and literally penetrates his way to fame and fortune), but also the accompanying transformation of their less than ideal but honest union into a publicized and sensationalized sham.

Pagdating sa Dulo is an impressive first feature. It confirms Bernal, very early in his career as a filmmaker, as a director who fully comprehends the value of the moving image. There are very impressively directed sequences, perfectly composed with every minute gesture or piercing gaze from the actors timed and orchestrated to evoke a subtle sensibility that is all at once strange and fascinating. The opening sequence, with its several minutes of quiet assuredness that unpredictably erupts in domestic cacophony, arrests in the way it portrays the couple’s weariness of their meager existence. Nearing the film’s conclusion, Bernal revisits the pensive mood of the opening sequence in the gorgeously shot sequence right before the film’s culminating summation, only this time with the two lovers in the heat of their careers yet suffering from a different malady, one that is caused by the callousness of the professions chosen for them by fate. The intoxicated air slows seems to slow down the sequence, which is further elaborated by the film’s recurring musical scoring. Ching, wearing a glamorous gown yet clearly under the influence of alcohol, flutters down the stairs as Pinggoy climbs up to fetch his former lover and current onscreen partner. You wait, even wish for an emotional outburst, a torrid embrace, a crazed kiss, even an exchange of harsh insults, yet nothing happens. The silence unsettles.

The director, presumably patterned by Bernal after legendary filmmaker Lamberto Avellana (director of well-regarded films like Anak Dalita (The Ruins, 1956), Badjao (1957) and Kundiman ng Lahi (Song of the Race, 1959)), becomes Bernal’s mouthpiece for his aches and hopes for Philippine cinema. Bernal has made startlingly accurate observations, pertinent up to this day. The dichotomy in Philippine cinema, as characterized by two existing and seemingly irreconcilable halves that form it (one half is a capitalist creature, more interested in profit-making than culture-creation; the other half is the problematic so-called independent film scene, where most of the interesting works hail from but is largely ignored by the populace), becomes the wellspring of his woes and frustrations. Kalapati, the film he made with Ching as lead actress, is a flop at the box office, to the ire of his producer, which will eventually lead to his voluntary decision to dedicate himself to making artful yet unseen documentaries. The director represents the consummate Filipino artist who is unfairly pushed outside the expanding bubble of public consciousness despite a veritable grasp in his artistry simply because integrity is not bankable. One of Bernal's most understated tragic figures, the director persists despite living a life of unfulfilled ambitions: his marriage is a failure, his film that sought to marry truth and cinema is a failure, his unpronounced affection for Ching is also a failure.

Pagdating sa Dulo opens with Ching exploited by the several men who paid money to see her dance and strip. It ends with Ching similarly exploited by her adoring audience who await the screening of her movie, a titillating feature that promises only to sexually arouse. At the top, everything is the same except that their sacrifices are bigger, their risks are greater, and the money and fame they reap only entrench them deeper into the system, changing them completely. It's a tremendous film; probably ranks right up there with Dutt's Kaagaz Ke Phool as one of the best films about filmmaking ever made.