Stories for Cruz

At about 7:15 a.m. the three garage doors finally rolled open in synchronization. It had been years since I had been involved at a garage sale, but my mom had warned me about the first few hours. I drank my coffee as quick as I could and tried to scrounge together everything I needed. As the garage doors raised to eye level I literally saw people running down the sidewalk. Within five minutes there were probably 30 to 40 people rummaging through and bumping into each other. It was madness! I couldn't believe it. The first item that I sold was a cropped fur coat I had bought at a flea market in college. And then it began... Over the course of two days the widest variety of people made there way through our garage. It was a very unsettling feeling to have strangers pick through well loved sentimental items and try to bargain the price down by a quarter. Especially since some of the items where my grandmothers and she passed away last month. I know that grandma would have been proud of us. She held many a garage sale and she was a stickler that would not budge much on her prices! Especially on home decor. There were times when I would see someone pick up a blanket or pitcher or shirt and I literally wanted to run over and tell them to put it back down. "I'm sorry that's not for sale" I could hear myself apologize in my mind. Instead I would try to stomach the lump and realize that everything has its season. We still have the best of the best items from my grandma and those that were of sentimental value with my kids. Still, there were moments of grief, and even panic. Mom and I would look at each other with wide eyes, "Should we move that back inside?" "Are you sure you don't still need that?" We could have justified saving many things only to put them back on a shelf in the closet to pull out at the next garage sale. I remember thinking, if they put that toy back down then I will go grab it. Instead, they would bring it over and try to bargain the price down even lower. Some people were unbelievable. One of the first couples that came through I know stole a new 3-6 month dress that hadn't been worn yet. I saw it under her arm as they walked away without paying. I figured that if they had to steal it from a garage sale when it cost $3.00, they must have really needed it.


The people came in droves, all kinds. Tall, short, fat, skinny, some dressed in rags, and some wearing tons of fake jewelry. Each one looking for something special, knowing that somewhere out there someone might be getting rid of just what they needed. I was shocked at how many strangers openly shared stories of their lives. All it took was one person saying, "How are you doing today?" for them to open up and share their life story. I heard many times over about a relative having cancer, or the person himself recovering from cancer or surgery, people that had asthma, allergies, babies on the way, and so on.... One of the things that was fascinating to me was watching who found value in which items. Each person looked at the same merchandise in completely different ways. Some saw junk and some saw treasure. What was it in their DNA, their life story, their past or personality that defined value to them? Some people could glance at an item and within five seconds judge its value. Others would pick it up, study it, feel it, ask questions before deciding if it was worth the 'price'. There was even one particular man there with an inventory scanner that came and scanned the books to see if they were worth value and then left. There are so many parallels I could pull from these experiences, like  'not judging a book by its cover'... but I just keep thinking about all of the different people that walked through the room and how different they were. Each one created equal and each one created with a purpose. As infants we are all born more or less the same. Naked, small, helpless, slight variations in personality but for the most part similar. Each baby is born into different environments, different circumstances that shape and mold their character, personality, and value system. Just like I could hear my grandma's voice in the back of my head talking about why some of those items were worthy of their price, they could possibly have heard a mother or grandmothers voice explaining the value to them. I would watch the cars that they would drive off in, notice the people that came in groups and just wondered what their stories were. One lady came in crying, cried the entire time, finally went back and sat in the car crying while she waited for the girl she was with. Some seemed content to just 'be'. Some seemed to have the demeanor of constant struggle and strife. Some laughed with friends and seemed to find joy in just being together. Some aggressive ones seemed bitter and eager to try to stretch the dollar at any cost. What was it that shaped these peoples priorities and values? Besides feeling ridiculously gluttonous, I wondered what kind of demeanor that I carry. I know I would not have been one of those people that spilled their life story to a stranger. I can tend to be more private and closed off. I wondered if I would come across to these people as rude, spoiled, friendly, sarcastic. Then I wondered what kind of environment am I allowing to shape Cruz and Wren. Already at two years old he is being molded. We 'teach' him to be honest, to share, to do what he is told, etc. But what is he learning from the way that I am living my life. When nobody is around and I am alone with both of the kids, what is he absorbing from my character and behavior. I am embarrassed to say that I am sure he is learning some bad traits. I know there are times when I am snappy with him because I am frustrated. I know that there are times that I need to stop and sit down and show him complete attention. I know there are times when I push him to try to do the things he doesn't want to do. Is he learning that the iphone, text, email, or 'wordswithfriends' game is more important? Is he learning that mommy tries to multitask too many things? Or is he learning how to communicate feelings appropriately?  Is he learning how to love? Is he learning how to have fun? I am not sitting down and showing him a value system chart or graph of what is most important to what is least important. I am not explaining monetary value, or beauty. But by my actions every single day he is learning what is most important. Watching me he sees the tasks that are important. He hears who is important by who I talk to on the phone or who we talk about, or who we don't talk to or talk about. He is learning how to respond to someone when he is angry by the way I respond to situations around me. He is learning value in all the moments when I least expect it and probably when I would rather he look the other way. What kind of story am I writing for him. What kind of person am I shaping him to be? Twenty years from now if he were go to a garage sale. Which person would he be? Would he hear my voice in the back of his head correcting him or guiding him? Would he be open and honest and friendly with people? Would he be closed off and private, or would he be willing to sit and talk with someone who needed a listening ear? These are the kinds of thoughts that could keep me awake at night if I let them. I will be honest, I mess up all the time. I am no Saint, but I am a writer. What kind of story am I writing for Cruz?

Cave of Forgotten Dreams (2010)



Cave of Forgotten Dreams (Werner Herzog, 2010)

It is almost as if the paintings were waiting for the film to get made. The Chauvet Cave in Southern France suffered a cave-in several thousands of years ago, blocking its entrance and effectively preserving the paintings and everything else inside from deterioration caused by the elements and the natural course of time. For several decades since its discovery, the paintings have only been enjoyed through photographs and replicas, considering that entry to the cave have been limited to a few individuals. That is until Werner Herzog and his crew of three were granted unprecedented entry to film the interior of the cave. Cave of Forgotten Dreams is that result of the unlikely marriage of fate and genius.

Instead of merely treating the paintings as isolated works of art, Herzog posits that the paintings are prehistoric prototypes of cinema, explaining that the position of the paintings, the way they were painted, where they were painted, the possible sources of light in the cave allude to an illusion of movement and to a possible fantasy. Herzog’s hypothesis immediately removes the cave paintings from a position of trite curiosity into something more immediate and relevant. The paintings have turned into products of our conspirators in dreaming. They are evidence of something intrinsically shared with the prehistoric men. Herzog turns these anonymous people from the distant past into relatable characters with hearts and souls that are kindred to ours.

Herzog does not completely settle inside the cave. Instead, he frequently flies away, curiously focusing on the people around the film: their dreams, their inadequacies, quirks and past lives. Although separated by differing priorities and millenniums, there’s a connection that’s established between the subject of the film and his erstwhile subjects, and hopefully, the audience. In one scene, Herzog forces this connection, staging an ominous silence inside the cave, keeping his guides, his crew, and himself in a prayerful stance listening to a supposed communal heartbeat. Ernst Reijseger’s powerful score not so much swells but creeps into the middle of that shared contemplation, turning Herzog’s orchestrated meditation with that filament of humanity he strives to define into some sort of graceful sequence which it is ostensibly not.

The most beautiful thing that Herzog committed to in Cave of Forgotten Dreams is to expand it into something quite larger than it should be. The use of 3D for example is not for mere spectacle. Instead, it is a necessary tool to create that illusion of being inside the cave, of witnessing the actual contours of the cave walls instead of seeing a flat representation of those contours, of experiencing the movement of the painted animals instead of only imagining motion. Considering that the cave paintings and the cinema they aspire to be are all tools that utilize illusions to function as tools to approximate reality, 3D serves as a companion piece to this illusion-building by requiring the approximation of space and depth as essential to not only experience the wonders of the cave but also to understand Herzog’s claims.

That Herzog does not rely solely on hard facts and historical accuracy is what makes Cave of Forgotten Dreams so immeasurably fascinating. After all, what we see in the cave paintings are only minute facets of the immense world that the prehistoric man could have lived in and exploited. We can only watch in awe, dream connections and relations. Yet, we can never be exactly sure. We can only speak and feel from the very little that we know and the very vast that we can imagine. The documentary, as most documentaries do, places us in a comfortable position of looking at and into the subject. Thus, when the film moves into its postscript, with Herzog suddenly placing the audience as the subject for possible interpretation and interpolation of albino alligators that came from the probable future, the tables are turned, and the effect is nothing short of sublime.

(Cross-published in Twitch.)

Live video event: "Queer Prom 2011" from Chicago

Tomorrow Friday, May 27th, Chicago's National Museum of Mexican Art will be hosting "Queer Prom 2011".
The annual event, currently on its seventh year, will be themed "Unapologetically Fierce / Orgullozamente Feroz" and draw inspiration from the activism of queer youth on immigration and LGBT rights.

From the press release:
A new law in Alabama (SB 256) has targeted undocumented youth from attending any extracurricular school activities, including prom. Many young LGBT students of color experience this dual identity. Yet, they continue to boldly come out of the closet in multiple ways. Please join us in celebrating these unapologetically fierce youth who continue to make strides within the LGBT movement.
This year, Blabbeando is proud to be a media sponsor and, to that effect, this blog will be carrying a live video-feed of the main program scheduled to begin at approximately 8pm Central Standard Time (see the USTREAM video window below).

The event is an opportunity for queer and non-queer students in the predominantly Latino Chicago neighborhood of Pilsen to celebrate their prom in a safe-space. The event presented by Radio Arte’s youth produced radio programs Homofrecuencia and Qphonic.

Once the live feed is over, the event will remain on USTREAM so, even if you miss it, make sure to come back and watch it.

You know what? Movie-type stories? It's possible!

There was one point in my life wherein I was shy to talk to girls. Oo, aminin ko, torpe ako for a time. I was also in an emo phase when I'd watch these romantic comedies where the main tandem were childhood friends. Now there's a one in a million story... "Childhood sweethearts". Boy is 4 years old and has a crush on the little girl. They separate ways. They meet back in high school and become friends. They separate ways again. One goes to school abroad, one stays. Both find love in  other people that doesn't work out. Both are devastated. Then the impossible thing happens... They meet again! Doesn't happen right? Wrong!

You know that ending in "500 Days of Summer"? Where the guy meets Autumn in the end? That happened to me! BELIEVE IT! I had a devastating part in my life that crushed my heart. But as the Lord works in mysterious ways, things really do happen for a reason. It really does. I'm telling you, on the 500th day, Autumn entered my life and changed it forever! 


Misha was the first girl I ever liked. Honest to goodness. She was my childhood crush. After kinder, the next time I saw her was in high school and I still found her to be pretty. She became a friend. Sadly she left in college but somehow we kept in touch. After several years (college+masters), in the most surprising fashion (facebook), she said that she was going to work with me real soon. Well, at least in the same building. We didn't hit it off at first when she went into the building. It took time of course. But I think this story is just too good to be true. A lot of my friends can't believe it really. But it's true. Call it cheesy, but I'm a happy happy man. :) I can't ask for anything more...



There was a comment a couple of months back... There was a reader that was going through some difficult times with his lady... All I can say is that the Lord works in mysterious ways. Things really do happen for a reason. We may not see it at first. You'll feel that the world just crumbled and ended. After time, you'll be thankful that it crumbled and "ended" because if that didn't happen, you wouldn't have seen one of the great things that happen in life and that's meeting your true love. (Cheese anyone? :) hahaha!)


Do you know someone with the same story? :) Well, I hope there's someone who has the same story. To those in difficult times, fret not... She/He is just around the corner...

On the actual day ~ 24/05/2011

Finally it all over, i mean my boys's big day. Now all my extra task finish and back to the normal schdule, and finally take a bit rest ( i hope).

On their actual day, we had a small celebration at their kindy and since this is also their last year at the kindy, let them have some fun with all their little friends at kindy.



an invitation sent to the individual kids at the kindy....oh ya, that is my "cute" handwritting, not my boys. Now you may laugh at my handwritting!


order another batch of "angry bird" cuppies for the kids. This round with slight different deco on the cupcakes.



nice and colourful angry bird cupcakes.....



party pack, i asked the art teacher to teach my boys to draw or do some deco on the party pack, instead of me alone finish all. *evil smile*
This batch all done by the boys and the goodies inside prepare by me, all junk food again. :)


This round i do something for the kids and teachers again. Since i need to cook for the party, teachers suggest me to do something like two years ago, easier for me and easier for the teachers too, and it wont be so messy. Yes, another round bento for kids and teachers, but this round won't have any fancy and nice bento box, it just normal tupperware i get from supermarket. Now, that is the extra task to add on to my list!!!




get all the tupperware ready, put in some cookies papercup (good idea?)

Oh ya, this round not so much bento compare to last round, this time only 35 bentos for kids and teachers.



slowly add in spaghetti, nuggets and sausage!! I want to do some nice deco on the sausage but lack of practice, i had a fail one. I just did some really simple flower sausage and lazy and easy way. That explain different box got different type of sausages. LOL





this is the one that i want to do , after fail so many times. Towards the end i got it right, but due to time permit, i got no time to add extra sausage in the centre to make like a flower or smiley sausage. So it just goes into the box like this. Easy and lazy way. hahahahhahahha



all packed and ready to go........looks like catering food? hahahhaha




when i reached kindy, teachers are playing some games with the kids, while let me to get the things ready.



Fearles looking serious..


notice the small boy next to Cruz? Teacher told me, this small boy is my boys "god brother" because this small boy like my boys and always like to stick them and play with them.



all the lunch boxes line up properly on the tables...



H-A-P-P-Y



B-I-R-T



H-D-A-Y




time for cake cutting....everyone sing Hapy Birthday song in four version, English, Bahasa , Chinese and another one is "christian".



two cheeky boys...









after blowing the candles, teacher pray for them and bless them.




time for food...




finish the food, now cupcakes time!



Fearles is a slow eater..


Beside than the spaghetti, i made some konyaku jellies and bring vitagen for the kids too! Everyone had a fruitful meal ( i hope), i can see teachers enjoy it too. :)


i get the boys took a picture with their classmate, 7 kids in the class.



another picture.....



pressie from their friends at kindy....



happy posing with their toys!!!!!!!


We don't have any celebration with the family, on the night, we asked the boys what they like to eat, kids as usual, they told us they want to eat MCD! We brought them to Mcd for a quick dinner, then we rush home, as they got art class at night. Simple and quiet 6th birthday celebration for this year .

Lightning Strikes!!!


SHAZAM! Call me a geek! But I love this new watch! Hahaha! This SWATCH just reflects my personality :) I can think of The Flash, Captain Marvel, and even Thor! Haha!

Swatch has been releasing some pretty cool watches recently. I don't know the name of the line but there's this gray strap with a black face and red hands. Looks really cool.

I'm not endorsing Swatch don't get me wrong. I'm just happy with this new lightning watch! :)

The number of lightning watches have been decreasing since people have been buying. Get one while you still can :)

Picnic 6th Birthday Celebration

On 15.05.2011, my boys had an early joint birthday celebration together with Ashley, as many of you already know three of them are born on the same year and same day. :)

This year we ( me and Barb) got a chance to get our kids to celebrate together. One month before , we already plan where to go and we just want something simple and easy. After few discussion, still nothing come out, we thought of give up and will do individual. Then this picnic idea, came from Barb, and i agree with her idea, from there we start to plan.

Like i said in previous post , beside than planning the birthday party for them, at the same time i am also mid doing their new room and shifting them to their new room, hoping all can done before their birthday.

Before we plan for the picnic, i told the boys this year there will be no party for them, just a simple one at home and in school, they look at me and kind of sad. It's a good idea choosing picnic as a birthday party, it would be better if the weather not so hot!

It is a Sunday morning, all my in laws had to work and also my hub, so at the picnic party, it's only kids from my side. I brought the 7 kids with me and off we depart the house at around 8am. Hard to find parking on a Sunday morning, looks like everyone woke up early on Sunday and go to park for morning exercise. It's quite a challenge for me to bring 5 kids ( the other two came later) and not forget the foods and drinks and party packs!!! Every kids i assign them to help me with those lighter stuff, and i am carrying a tray of mee siam and 30 packs of nasi lemak and i went for second round to bring the packet drinks.



the birthday boys...


my boys with their favourite two jie jie (cousins)

We are the earliest, everyone still not there, after we put all the stuff at one and the only hut at the park, kids can't wait to go to the playground and running around and i manage to snap some pictures also.



huge crowds doing their morning dancing at the park with the loud music blazing, so happening ya?



mee siam



nasi lemak



some cherry tomatoes, cucumber, nuggets and konyaku jellies from your truly.



Barb brought some char siew puff, nyonya kuih, siew mai, fish balls, sausages and some bottle drinks.






kids happily enjoy themselve with the foods, recognize who are they?

My boys, two Ian, one is Inspired Mom's boy and another one is my nephew and Jayden.



all the pretties mummies...Sasha, Elaine, inspired mom and Barb



Ashley, the birthday girl for the day too.

After the light breakfast, all kids can't wait to go to the stream and catch small fishes, this is my boys second exprience at the stream. We brought them to this stream when they are 2yo+ but that time they are still young not really enjoy, but just like the water. Last year we attended a mom's kid birthday party here too, but it was raining, the boys just get to play for a while. This time they really enjoy themselve so much!! They spent almost one hour there!






look at the kids, busy catching fishes. This place is cooling with not so much sun light, now we are planning another mini picnic by the stream!! This is a better place for picnic, can monitors the kids and also we can sit at the side.









cheeky Amber..


pretty Tessa


After the kids spent about one hour + at the stream, the sun is getting hot, and it is around 11.15am, and everyone about to leave. We have to "pull" all the kids out from the stream and only can start the cake cutting session.



angry bird cuppies for this year. :)






singing happy birthday song....




the three birthday kids.



Ashley enjoy her cupcake.



Fearles favourite chocolate cupcake.


Cruz said "finger licking good"!





Party packs for the kids. This year i am losing idea on what to prepare and what to give. Use zip bag and put some junks in. Look plain, so i add some colourful sticker and wrote every kids name on the party pack to make it look nicer.





thank you everyone for the lovely pressies for my boys.



party pack from Barb to the kids, so creative! I love her thank you note!



pressie from aunty Barb, aunty Wai Mann, aunty Elaine, aunty Sasha, aunty Shireen
aunty Jacss ,aunty Patsy and aunty Catherine.

Thank you everyone for coming to my boys picnic birthday celebration, and hope everyone of you do enjoy yourself. I am sure all the kids enjoy because my boys and the cousins already ask me when do i bring them again for picnic!!!!! We are actually planning another picnic trip, hut this round we just want simple food drinks and not carry tons of foods and drinks like mad. I got a body ache and sore arm and shoulder the next day.